


Many Tomorrows

by captainamergirl



Category: All My Children, General Hospital (TV 1963)
Genre: AU pairings, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, And Lots of It, Angst, Bipolar Disorder, Character Death, Drug Addiction, F/M, Mixed up Matchups, Rare Characters, Rare Pairings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:28:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28105509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainamergirl/pseuds/captainamergirl
Summary: How do you go on when a bright light is snuffed out all too soon? {Alternate universe from 2010-forward. An ensemble piece.}
Relationships: Alexis Davis/Malcolm "Mac" Scorpio, Brenda Barrett/Sonny Corinthos, Colby Chandler/Michael Corinthos III, Cruz Rodriguez/Brenda Barrett, Cruz Rodriguez/Elizabeth Webber, Dante Falconeri/Rebecca Shaw, Jason Morgan/Robin Scorpio, Lulu Spencer/Johnny Zacchara, Maxie Jones/Ethan Lovett, Patrick Drake/Lisa Niles, Samantha "Sam" McCall/Jason Morgan, Samantha "Sam" McCall/Lucky Spencer
Comments: 7
Kudos: 3





	1. Main Cast List (and Bios)

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this in 2010 a lot will be different, obviously. There are a few AMC crossovers in this. Below is the information page on the main cast. I hope you will enjoy this (angsty as it is!) and leave feedback or kudos.

**Main Characters**

**Ethan Lovett -** Ethan left town following Kristina's accusations in 2010 of his having beaten her up. He had been a bit smitten with the young girl and it hurt him, as well as being turned against by almost everyone in town. He took up conning again and has since been married twice to two wealthy and much older women.  
  
 **Maxie Jones -** Maxie finally achieved professional success when she moved to New York City and started up a fashion magazine that was an instant hit with readers everywhere. However, her personal life was a mess for the longest time as her longtime non-husband Damien Spinelli "divorced" her after another transgression with a drunken Lucky Spencer. He left town and she did shortly thereafter, though they didn't end up in the same place obviously. She has been single ever since and only dates occasionally, having no intention of falling in love and getting hurt ever again.  
  
 **Sam McCall -** Sam's PI business, now just called "McCall Investigations" is very successful and she has a relatively good relationship with her fiancé, Jason Morgan, even though they have had many problems in the past. She had a mental breakdown in the summer of 2011 and was hospitalized for a time before she came out of Roselawn, feeling stronger than ever. How strong she really remains to be seen.  
  
 **Lucky Spencer -** After discovering his fiancée Elizabeth Webber had betrayed him with his own brother, Lucky became a raging alcoholic. He had a one-night stand with Maxie Jones which destroyed any chance of ever reconciling with Elizabeth as well. He has since tried to stop drinking and goes to AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) faithfully every Wednesday night like clockwork. He has had a few relapses but overall, has maintained his strength and sobriety. Elizabeth allowed him to see the boys and they have a close relationship with their adoptive father. (Sidenote: Jake is alive in this and Aidan doesn't exist.)  
  
 **Robin Scorpio -** In 2010, Robin was horrified to find out that her then-husband Patrick Drake had slept with his ex-girlfriend, Lisa Niles. She considered taking him back - until she learned that Lisa was expecting a baby. Patrick's baby. Robin divorced Patrick in 2011 and they have a semi-amicable relationship now as they co-parent their 11-year-old daughter, Emma.  
  
 **Cruz Rodriguez -** After leaving town some years ago, Cruz eventually met and married Brenda Barrett. They had a son together but tragedy struck and little Samuel Enrico died of SIDs (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) when he was just 4 months old. That fractured Cruz's relationship with Brenda and vice versa and they are currently in the middle of a divorce.  
  
 **Brenda Barrett -** After leaving Port Charles for what she believed was the last time in 2003, Brenda spent years in Paris modeling before retiring to Napa Valley in the states. There she met and fell in love with Cruz Rodriguez. They were married six months after meeting and had a son named Samuel Enrico shortly after. When Samuel died, Brenda knew her marriage to Cruz would never be the same and is just now considering returning to Port Charles for the first time in years.  
  
 **Jason Morgan -** Jason inherited "the business" from Sonny when he retired in late 2011 from mafia life. Jason has run it successfully ever since. His personal life has had its up and downs as his fiancée Sam has had a lot of mental issues over the years as a result of losing her daughter, Lila, and other events she still doesn't talk about, even to him. He sometimes wonders what it would have been like if he could have raised his son Jake openly but tries not to think about it too often.  
  
 **Patrick Drake -** Patrick finally gave into his latent feelings for Dr. Lisa Niles in 2010 and they conceived a daughter together. After Robin divorced him, Patrick moved in with Lisa and they have been raising their daughter Eleanor Mattie "Ellie" in relative peace although Patrick's other daughter Emma openly despises Lisa.  
  
 **Lisa Niles -** Lisa had never stopped loving Patrick Drake and when she had the chance, she seduced Patrick, although he was more than willing at the time. They conceived a daughter and have been raising her together for the last few years. Lisa is well-aware of Emma's hatred of her though Robin has tried to play dutiful peacemaker between them for a long time now.  
  
 **Rebecca Shaw -** Rebecca left town in late 2009 with no intention of ever returning. She met a familiar-looking man on an airplane and they shared a short romance before she decided to move on, never wanting to be tied down again after the way Nikolas Cassadine mistreated her. She became a full-fledged nurse in the intermittent. Lately, she has been having weird memories that make her question her own sanity.  
  
 **Sonny Corinthos -** Sonny was utterly shocked to learn that Dante Falconeri was his son. After shooting Dante (who was then calling himself Dominic), Dante's mother Olivia revealed the truth that she had kept secret for so long. Dante wanted nothing to do with Sonny but in the end, destroyed all the evidence he had gathered while undercover in Sonny's employ before leaving town in a cloud of disgrace. Dante and Sonny have not talked since. Meanwhile, Sonny's ex-wife Carly and her current husband Jasper Jacks took Morgan and their daughter Josslyn and left town. Michael, Sonny's adoptive son, opted to stay in town with him and is still trying to worm his way into "the business" Sonny long ago turned over to Jason.  
  
 **Michael Corinthos III -** After murdering Claudia Zacchara, Michael became quite a hardened young man and always searched for new highs and ways to try and make him feel alive. He briefly experimented with drugs but stopped when Sonny forced him to. He has a bit of his adoptive father Sonny's womanizing ways in him and is currently juggling two women, neither of which knows about the other. _(Portrayed by Drew Garrett)_  
  
 **Colby Chandler -** After cheating on her husband Pete with much older man Ryan Lavery, Pete divorced her and she is currently trying to get over the loss of her marriage by burying herself in her legal studies. She plans to become a defense attorney just like her mother, Liza Colby.  
  
 **Elizabeth Webber -** After sending away Nikolas Cassadine following their affair being outed to the world, Elizabeth retreated into herself for a long time, becoming almost a recluse for a good year. She finally managed to snap out of it when she realized how much her sons Cameron and Jake needed her. She has been single since Lucky and Nikolas left her and is trying to be a good mother to her sons. She is a stronger woman now and intends to stay that way. She cut her hours at the hospital and is currently selling her paintings to interested buyers.  
  
 **Dante Falconeri -** Dante was as shocked as everyone else by the revelation that he was Sonny Corinthos's kid. He disowned his parents and left town after begrudgingly destroying all the evidence he had gleaned on Sonny when he was posing as an undercover mobster protégé to his then-unknown father. After nearly going to prison for destroying the evidence against Sonny, Dante was forced out of the FBI and forced to take a job as a security guard at a bank, of all things.  
  
 **Alexis Davis -** Alexis Davis married Mac Scorpio in the summer of 2012 and they have been relatively happy despite a few interruptions on the way. She says her daughters are giving her gray hair more and more every day but she is happy until tragedy strikes.  
  
 **Mac Scorpio -** Mac married Alexis and they are very happy together. He retired from the police force three years ago and has become a bit of a house husband much to his dismay.  
  
 **Johnny Zacchara -** Johnny dumped Olivia Falconeri after he learned all the lies she had kept from him, particularly the one about Dante being Sonny Corinthos's son. Shortly afterward, Dante Falconeri left town as did Olivia, and Johnny started to bond with his betrayed ex-girlfriend Lulu Spencer once again. They are currently married and trying to have a baby. He gave up the mob years ago and has not looked back since.  
  
 **Lulu Spencer-Zacchara -** She has been married to Johnny Zacchara for the past 4 years and happily so though she still feels she is missing one thing: a child. They have yet to conceive in their years together and she is giving up hope. She is a very supportive sister to her brothers Lucky and Ethan and still sees her brother Nikolas in Paris from time to time though she doesn't really respect him since he had an affair with Lucky's then-fiancée Elizabeth Webber.


	2. Ep. 1: Where Were You When Everything was Falling Apart?

**Episode 1: Where Were You When Everything Was Falling Apart?**  
  
 _They say only the good ones die young. They were apparently very right because I'm still alive and she's ... she's not. - Sam McCall_  
  
The morning of the funeral dawned bright and sunny and it seemed to mock the people who were still grieving so intensely for their loss. Just five days ago, the world of Port Charles had come crashing down around their heads and nothing would ever be the same again...  
  
XoXoXo  
  
"She was so young," Sam McCall cried into her hands as she sat on the sofa in a knee-length black dress. Her fiancé Jason Morgan sat beside her, trying to reach out to her but it didn't seem possible somehow. He had never been good in these sorts of situations. Not at all. He wanted to comfort Sam but she remained locked away from him in every way imaginable.  
  
"I know," Jason said, considering reaching out and pulling her into his arms but he knew better than to try. He knew Sam would reject the offer of comfort as she almost always did.  
  
"I mean a hit and run, Jason. A hit and run! Someone clearly saw her go down and they don't stop. What kind of animal -" Her voice trailed off as she choked on a bitter sob.  
  
Jason nodded. "I know. But the good thing is that they said it was instantaneous. That she didn't suffer ..."  
  
Sam looked up at Jason through blurry, tear-soaked eyes. "How do they know for sure? They weren't there. They can't be one hundred percent sure of anything. And she was just getting her life back on track and this happens. Life is so damn unfair."  
  
Jason nodded. "I know."  
  
"She's dead, Jason, my little sister is dead and I don't think - I don't think I'm ever going to be okay again. I don't think any of us are..."  
  
XoXoXo  
  
Ethan Lovett sighed as he jostled through the crowded airport towards the loading gate. He wasn't sure why he was going there of all places but yet, nothing could have kept him away. Not even his second wife Agatha who was eighty-seven and lonely as hell all the time. Well, dammit so was he. He thought being married to money, having every material thing he could ask for, would make him happy, would make him complete, would make him feel free. He had been wrong. Very wrong. His life had completely ceased to turn just mere days ago when he opened the paper and read the headline. It had been a normal day like any other too. He had been headed out to the local casino for his nightly gambling session and he hadn't expected the punch in the gut he received when he noticed the paper on the table with the accompanying article.  
  
Shaking his head, he tried to clear his thoughts as he continued through the foot traffic of JFK.  
  
He was able to board the plane in a matter of five minutes once he reached the gate, as he was running behind. He had debated up until the very last moment about his decision to go to Port Charles before he grabbed an overnight bag and just left the house with old Aggie screaming after him, demanding to know where he was going. He hadn't replied. They were both better off with her not knowing.  
  
He boarded the plane and found his seat in First Class. He always travelled that way now thanks to the money he had made from his two incredibly lucrative marriages. He dropped down into the window seat and put his feet up on the seat in front of him much to the dismay of the older man before him.  
  
"Excuse me; I believe that's my seat!" An eerily familiar, high, and outraged voice said.  
  
"I don't think so," Ethan said and casually looked over at the woman. He recognized her immediately and apparently she recognized him as well.  
  
"Maxie!" He said in surprise.  
  
"Ethan!" She said at the same time.  
  
XoXoXo  
  
Michael Corinthos III lit up a cigarette as he climbed behind the wheel of his black Porsche. Flicking black ash out the rolled down the window, he gunned the engine and began to drive like a bat out of hell. And that's what he was trying to escape actually - Hell. His own personal version of it where his little sister was dead and his dad was now off his meds and his mom had left town without bringing him along.  
  
He reached the interstate in no time and immediately skimmed past a line of cars, headed for ... Well, wherever that was far enough away from him.  
  
His cell phone buzzed in his pocket and he ignored it. When it didn't stop ringing, he yanked it out of his pocket and glanced at the name flashing across the little screen.  
  
 _Mom._  
  
What the hell does she want anyway? He wondered and with a sigh, immediately chucked the phone out the window.  
  
XoXoXo  
  
"You're still in my seat," Maxie griped, crossing her arms. "Now stop gawking at me and move your Aussie ass!"  
  
"Nothing doing," Ethan said. "I believe I have the window seat, seat 'B', so deal."  
  
"I am not going to deal. Not at all. I always sit by the window," she said and flashed him her ticket which clearly said "A".  
  
"Aisle seat, babe," Ethan said with a weak smile and turned back to face the window.  
  
She murmured curses under her breath as she finally dropped into the seat beside him. "I can tell you Rossie is going to hear about this from me the minute we land in Port Charles."  
  
Ethan turned to look at her briefly. "Rossie? Is that your boyfriend?"  
  
"No," Maxie said with an indignant sniff. "She's my very airheaded assistant."  
  
"You have an assistant of your own now, huh?" Ethan asked with a bored sigh.  
  
"Yes, of course, I do. I tired of being Kate Howard's lapdog years ago and started my own magazine in the city. It has one of the highest circulations of any magazine worldwide published within the past three years and -" Maxie sighed, sensing she had lost his attention. "Anyway, why are you headed back to pathetic, smelly old PC?"  
  
Ethan glanced at her, pointing to the obituary sticking out of the top of her Kate Spade bag. "Probably the same reason you are," he said.  
  
XoXoXo  
  
"Krissy's dead!" Sam wailed as she sat on the sofa, slowly beginning to rock herself back and forth.  
  
"I know, Sam, I know ..."  
  
"What do you know about it?" Sam screeched. "You never lost someone who meant the world to you ..." Her voice trailed off. "Sorry, yes you have. Of course, you have. You've lost more people ..."  
  
Her voice broke off and she jumped to her feet, headed for the door. "Sam, where are you going?" Jason called after her.  
  
"Anywhere, somewhere ... I don't know," Sam said. "I just can't be here right now. I don't know why but I can't be around you or anyone actually right now. It's too hard."  
  
And with that, she had stomped out of the penthouse, going somewhere Jason knew he could never follow.  
  
XoXoXo  
  
Mac Scorpio found his wife sitting on the sofa, surrounded by a pile of used Kleenex. She had an album in her lap and was slowly flipping through it, tracing every photo that had Kristina's face in it, gently with her forefinger.  
  
Mac moved over to her and on the sofa beside her. "She is beautiful," he said, looking at a picture of Kristina on the day she graduated from Port Charles University. She was smiling brightly in the picture, beaming for the camera as she held onto the strings of about fifteen brightly colored balloons Molly had given her.  
  
"Don't you mean she 'was' beautiful?" Alexis asked in a low, bitter voice.  
  
"She's still alive in all the ways that count, Alexis. She's always going to be a part of you," Mac said, reaching out and squeezing his wife's small, ice-cold hand.  
  
Alexis nodded as a silent tear rolled down her cheek. "I know, I know. But it's not the same as -"  
  
"Having her here with you," Mac said. "I know."  
  
Alexis looked over at her husband. "How did you cope? When Georgie died?"  
  
Mac sighed and rubbed a hand down his face. "It sounds cliché as hell but I literally just had to take it one day at a time, step by step. I still miss my baby girl - as you always will - but time does heal a lot of wounds. That much I know but it takes a long time to get to that point; I'm not going to lie about that part."  
  
"Jesus, Mac, Kristina was so young. It's not right that she should be gone. Parents are always supposed to go first. That's the natural order right?" She cried, tears now actively rolling down her face. "That's the way it should have happened ... Not Kristina. Not my Kristina ..."


	3. Grief Springs Eternal

**Episode 2: Grief Springs Eternal**  
  
 _"I wanted to hate her. I tried so hard to hate her for what she did, for what she accused me of ... But I never could. I just didn't have it in me. But the thing is, I let her think I hated her and there's no way I can ever make that right now ..." - Ethan Lovett_  
  
"You're going to ... Her funeral?" Maxie said. The surprise was apparent in her voice and Ethan immediately resented it.  
  
"You really think I'm such a cold-hearted bastard I could just go on living my life and not be sad about how she's not going to be able to do the same?" He snapped his face flushing red with anger.  
  
"Jesus, sorry, I was just ..."  
  
"Shocked, yeah, I noticed," Ethan said and he waved down a female flight attendant, flashing his biggest grin as he said, "Vodka on the rocks pretty please."  
  
Maxie watched him intently for a moment and then ordered a wine spritzer from the same flight attendant, a very well-endowed brunette. The flight attendant nodded and walked away to retrieve their drinks.  
  
"So uh ..." Maxie began, not quite knowing what to say, not quite knowing how to apologize for her rude assumption. She didn't even have it in her. Going back to Port Charles was going to be like reliving an old nightmare. Her beloved sister Georgie too had died too young and Maxie had never quite recovered from that loss. Now she would have to watch other people grieving for another young girl whose life had been snuffed out too soon and so unfairly. That made her want to crawl under her seat and never come out but she was determined not to show her fear. Maxie Jones did not _do_ fear. She had worked too hard to move forward to come apart now.  
  
"Yeah, uh ..." Ethan said with a roll of his dark eyes. "Look, do we really have to make idle conversation, Maxie?" he asked. "Just because we're seatmates doesn't mean we have to talk."  
  
Maxie sniffed. "Once upon a time, you couldn't keep your Aussie-accented trap shut."  
  
Ethan sighed. "Times change, Maxie dearest."  
  
"Do they ever," she agreed.  
  
XoXoXo  
  
Sam drove through the streets of Port Charles, noting the sky was darkening and rain seemed imminent. It was rather fitting considering her mood and the dark atmosphere of the whole town. Earlier in the day, it had been bright and sunshiny and it had made her feel even worse, like whoever controlled the weather and death and all the other things that were so unexplainable was mocking her and everyone else in their grief.  
  
She didn't know where she was going at first. At least, not until she was almost there. Then she was pulling into the little cemetery and climbing out of the car and walking slowly towards the parted gates. She was looking for solace in a place that spoke of death and tragedy but she didn't feel like she had anywhere else to turn at the moment. Turning to her loved ones, the people who cared about her most seemed like a foreign concept at this point and she couldn't even pretend to guess why that was.  
  
She reached the little headstone that read "Baby Girl McCall" and dropped down in front of it. Sam's bare knees sank a bit into the soft green earth. The name - or lack of one, really - on the tombstone always seemed to mock her somehow. Her baby had a name, dammit. _It was Lila._ For whatever reason she couldn't fathom, Sonny had asked her not to name the baby officially even after she was buried in the ground and a crude little marker had been the only reminder of a little life that had never really truly existed anywhere but in Sam's heart and mind. She had never even held her baby and that ate at her tremendously even all these years later.  
  
She reached out and ran her hand over the little granite headstone. "Hey, baby girl," she said. "Lila," she amended. "I am so sorry that it's been so long since I came here. I got busy trying to forget I guess ... It's no excuse but sometimes it's so hard to come here and see you and know I can never touch you, never reach you. You would have been fourteen this year. You would have been a handful too I just know it. But I would have loved you so much, just like I do now actually. Fourteen ... wow ... You would have been giving Jason gray hair and me too. You should be worrying about boys and homework and all the things other teenagers do and you aren't and ... It breaks my heart ..."  
  
Sam paused in speaking for a long moment as a crescendo of tears forced themselves down her face. Wiping them away was not an option either because as soon as she did, there was more right after them. It was a useless exercise in futility as life felt right now. She wondered what it would be like to end it all now. If she would get to be with her Lila, and her brother Danny, and now her little sister. She wanted to be with them all so badly that she could taste it like the blood burbling on her lips because she had bit down so hard on them.  
  
She finally regained a modicum of her composure and looked back at the little taunting headstone. "Baby girl, Kristina is up there with you, isn't she? Kristina and Uncle Danny. They are keeping you company now. You're with the true angels, right? I wish you could tell me. Kristina needs you to look after her. Even though she's older than you, she still needs you, Lila. Promise me you'll take care of her and tell her how much she is loved and missed, okay? Promise me ..."  
  
Sam dissolved into more tears as finally, her eyes came to rest on the little marker in the ground that read "Kristina Adela Davis Corinthos". She had had no idea that Kristina would be buried next to her niece but it seemed so fitting. So tragically fitting that she couldn't help but scream in agony. And scream and scream...  
  
XoXoXo  
  
Brenda Rodriguez (soon to be just "Barrett" again) walked slowly up the porch steps and sighed before she reluctantly raised her hand to knock. It had taken all her strength and bravado to come back here, to this little town, especially at this tragic time, but she knew she had to come home and Port Charles was the only place she had truly ever thought of as home. She needed her best friend more than words could say.  
  
The door opened in short order and a little girl with cinnamon eyes just like her mother's was standing there. "Aunt Brenda?" the eleven-year-old girl exclaimed.  
  
"In the flesh," Brenda said quietly even as she smiled and reached out, pulling Emma into a tight embrace, burying her lips in the girl's chesnut hair for a moment before pulling away and staring at her.  
  
"You are gorgeous," Brenda pronounced. "Simply gorgeous."  
  
Emma blushed. "Thanks, Aunt Brenda. That means a lot to me since you're the supermodel."  
  
Brenda smiled a little. "Not anymore. The modeling days are far behind me."  
  
"But you'll always be super beautiful," Emma said earnestly.  
  
"T-thanks," Brenda said. "It's so great to see you. Is your mom here?"  
  
"Yeah. She's just getting ready for the funeral."  
  
Brenda quirked an eyebrow. "The funeral?" she echoed. "Who's?" She felt her heart clench in her chest. Her first thought was of Sonny. Had he finally gone and gotten himself killed and no one had the nerve to tell her? Her second thought was that she had been to too many funerals in her lifetime and that it never seemed to end, the pain never seemed to stop or dissipate for a moment.  
  
Her eyes watered as she waited for Emma to reply but before Emma could, Robin was walking out of the backroom, her eyes wide in surprise. "Bren!" she exclaimed, hurrying over to her friend and wrapping her arms around Brenda's tiny shoulders.  
  
They cried together for a moment as Emma subtly slipped out of the room. Each was crying for different reasons and yet the same, as grief was the single uniting force in so many things.  
  
Finally, they pulled apart and Brenda cupped Robin's small chin in her hand. "Robs, talk to me. Tell me who ... who ... died?" She almost couldn't say the word. It literally made her feel sick.  
  
"Kristina Davis," Robin answered with watery eyes. "She was so young and -"  
  
"Sonny's daughter?" Brenda said. "She's ... she's ... Oh my god ..."  
  
Robin nodded. "I know. It's so terrible. I keep thinking about how I would feel if I lost Emma and -" Her voice trailed off. "God, Bren, I'm so sorry. I should just shut my mouth."  
  
Brenda shook her head. "It's okay," she said, not wanting to think about her own grief for even a second more. "Sonny, god ... How is he?"  
  
"He's devastated. He's off his meds too. He won't talk to anyone or even come out of his house ..."  
  
Robin looked up at Brenda. "You need to go see him."  
  
"No, Robin, I can't ..."  
  
"Come on, Brenda, if anyone can get through to Sonny, it's definitely you ..."  
  
XoXoXo  
  
Sam seemed to scream in agony for the longest time as tears drenched her face and soon rain began to fall, drenching her clothes and chilling her even more.  
  
At some point though she felt herself being pulled backward by strong arms and right into the center of a hard chest. His words were soft as he whispered, "It's okay, Sam, you're not alone and you're going to be okay ..."


	4. The Serenity Prayer

**Episode 3: The Serenity Prayer**  
  
 _"I've been going to AA forever and a day now it seems. The leader of our particularly rag-tag group of drunks keeps trying to drum it into all of our heads that learning to accept the things we can't change will bring us great wisdom. But sometimes, I just can't let go..." -- Lucky Spencer_  
  
Sam bucked wildly in his arms as he pulled her tighter and tighter to his chest. Some part of him knew that if he let her go right then, she was going to flee and she wouldn't come back and too many people were going to miss her. They've lost too many people already in this town; too many young lives have been sacrificed; they can't lose her now as well.  
  
She screamed and writhed in his arms even as he tried to talk her down, bring her to some kind of rational point where she could not hurt herself or someone else accidentally. He reached out and touched her hair and then her forehead, hoping that his skin touching hers would awaken her enough to believe his words: that she wasn't alone. Not this time.  
  
"Sam, please calm down," he said. "You're okay. No one's going to hurt you. I won't let them."  
  
For some reason, now she ceases to struggle against him, and instead, her sobbing quieted to whimpers. He was ass-deep in mud and his clothes were soaked and dirty but he honestly didn't care.  
  
She turned then in his arms and finally looked at him. Her eyes showed some clarity, even if it only lasted for a moment. "Lu - Lucky, what are you doing here?" she asked.  
  
XoXoXo  
  
Brenda rode shotgun as Robin drove them over to Sonny's place in her trusty mini-van. Brenda had her face pressed against the window and was watching the rain stream down the other side, hoping if she looked out there long enough, Robin would not ask her how she was doing. People always asked Brenda that question now and she had just decided that it is one of her least favorite topic starters in the world. She would always tell people that she was fine, fine, and dandy, but she knew that Robin would see right through those words to the hollow emotion that they were wrapped up in.  
  
Robin cleared her throat. "You look great, Brenda. So great."  
  
Brenda sighed and pulled away from the window, turning to look at her best friend in the whole world. "Thank you, Robin, you look amazing too. So does your daughter. She is growing up so fast ..."  
  
Robin nodded. "I know, isn't she? She's almost taller than me! That's all Patrick's DNA right there."  
  
"Speaking of Patrick, how is the louse?" Brenda asked.  
  
Robin shook her head. "Fine, I guess. I only see him every once in a while when he comes to pick up Emma. I'm usually not around when he stops by."  
  
Brenda cocked her head to the side. "Is that by choice or just pure luck?"  
  
Robin's lips quirked a bit in a half-smile. "Maybe a little of both. I don't despise him anymore if that's what you mean. Emma gives him hell enough for both of us anyway."  
  
"Good girl."  
  
"I have a good life now, Brenda. I have an amazing daughter, wonderful friends -" she looked at Brenda pointedly for a moment- "and a fulfilling career. I really have anything a person could ask for."  
  
"And love?"  
  
"I have love. I love Emma and she loves me. My parents -"  
  
"Not that kind of love, Robin. Romantic love. You know the kind that makes you crazy but also feels so damn good while it lasts..."  
  
Robin sighed. "Actually romance is overrated. In fact, I believe you told me that not too long ago yourself. In those exact words."  
  
Brenda nodded. "You're right, I did... What do you say when we're a little older and the gray hairs start filling in our scalps big time, you and I buy a place together, adopt like fifteen cats, and be the scary old maids-slash-cat ladies of the neighborhood?"  
  
Robin smiled and nodded. "How can I say 'no' to that?" She turned a corner then and they pulled to a stop in front of a large estate. She looked over at Brenda. "We're here. Sonny's place."  
  
Brenda bit her lip. "I honestly don't know what to say to Sonny. It's been so many years ..."  
  
Robin reached out and clasped Brenda's cold hand. "Yeah, it has been a lot of years. But if anyone can bring Sonny back from that dark place he crawled into ... It's you, Bren. It always has been you."  
  
XoXoXo  
  
Sam was still halfway sitting on his lap and he offered her a weak smile. "I heard you crying even over the rain. I had to come ... I was leaving AA," he explains. "I always go on Wednesday nights but because of the -" He pauses for a moment, not sure if he can say it; if he should even mention it though it's the elephant standing on their shoulders, crushing them into the ground.  
  
"The funeral," Sam filled in for him. He nodded. "You're going to Krissy's funeral and wake later so you can't make the meeting." Tears rolled down her face in time with the rain.  
  
Lucky nodded. "Yeah. So I came to the early one this morning at St. Luke's. They meet in the basement. I was leaving the church afterward and I was feeling too raw to just go home, so I ended up cutting through the cemetery. I heard you screaming. I just came running. It was instinctual, I guess. Also ... I didn't want you to be all alone."  
  
Sam nodded and wiped her face, turning to stare back at the graves not five feet in front of them. "They're so young, Lucky. Kristina and Lila ... They _were_ so young, I should say." More tears ran down her face as she turned and looked up at Lucky, seeking out his eyes. "What's that prayer? The one they say in AA?"  
  
Lucky stares down at her, eyes never leaving hers as he recites it, wanting her to hear and somehow accept every word even though God knew he never really had. He had never stopped wanting to change the inevitable, make things right, especially the things he blamed himself for, of which there were many...  
  
 _"God grant me the serenity  
to accept the things I cannot change;  
courage to change the things I can;  
and wisdom to know the difference.  
  
Living one day at a time;  
Enjoying one moment at a time;  
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;  
Taking, as He did, this sinful world  
as it is, not as I would have it;  
Trusting that He will make all things right  
if I surrender to His Will;  
That I may be reasonably happy in this life  
and supremely happy with Him  
Forever in the next.  
Amen."_  
  
Tears are streaming down Sam's face even faster once he had finished saying the words. "I'm not religious," she said.  
  
"Me either."  
  
"But that ... It makes me want to believe I can be happy again someday. But I know I don't deserve to be ... I know I don't ..."  
  
Lucky shook his head. "Sam, are you kidding? You're a great person. If anyone deserves to be happy after every horrible thing that has happened, it's you. I really meant that."  
  
Sam shook her own head. "No, I keep losing people because I don't deserve to have them in my life. Everything I touch turns to dust. I should really just leave town now so people won't have to have me around, messing them up all the time."  
  
This time Lucky's eyes were tearing up. He hated to see her beating herself down this way. "Sam, you can't leave, okay? Too many people need you, too many people care about you. You are not hurting them. You've actually made their lives so much better, I am willing to bet anything on that fact."  
  
Sam wiped her face and turned to look back at the graves. "I miss them. I miss them so much ..."  
  
Lucky nodded and then rested his chin on the crown of her head. "I know you do. I can tell. You have a really big heart."  
  
Lucky heard footsteps approaching them then and someone cleared their throat. He turned his head to see Jason Morgan standing there watching Lucky and Sam with a decidedly unhappy expression on his face.  
  
XoXoXo  
  
The door was answered by Max Giambetti and immediately his face lit up in a genuine smile upon seeing Brenda and Robin standing on the porch. It was the first genuine smile Brenda had seen in so long.  
  
"Ms. Barrett? Ms. Scorpio? What are you two doing here?" Milo asked.  
  
Brenda offered him a smile in return though she wasn't sure how convincing it was. "Would you believe we were in the neighborhood?"  
  
"No," Max said. "But it's nice to you though. I assume you're here to see Mr. C but the truth is ..."  
  
"He's not taking visitors," Robin said with a knowing sigh. "We know, Max, but this is really important. We're both really worried about him. He shouldn't be all alone right now. "  
  
Brenda sighed. "Max, let us talk to him, okay? He's our ... friend," Brenda concluded. The truth was that Sonny and Brenda had never just been friends. It had never seemed possible for them to be in that sort of relationship. They were always too messy and complicated and crazy, but dammit, Brenda was here so she might as well try to help. She did still care for Sonny in spite of everything, loved him even. You couldn't turn off that kind of intense emotion, not even all these years later.  
  
Max stepped back slowly to let them in. "He's going to wring my neck for this, you know ... But it's worth it for him to have people to talk to since he won't say more than two words to me."  
  
"Thanks, Max," Robin and Brenda said as he directed them to the closed study door. They didn't know exactly what state they would find Sonny in but they knew that it couldn't be good.  
  
Max opened the door and they all walked inside the study. At first, they didn't see anyone and then the back door slid open and Sonny strode inside, swinging a compact, mud-crusted shovel of all things in his right hand. Brenda watched him for a moment. He looked to be in his own world, not even noticing them there. His hair was messy and wet and she realized he must have been out in the rain for quite some time.  
  
"Mr. C?" Max finally spoke up. "Uh, you have guests."  
  
Sonny looked up and his eyes immediately fell on Brenda. He sucked in a breath and then turned back to Max. "I thought I said I didn't want any damn company!"  
  
Max started to protest but Robin stepped forward bravely. "Sonny, we insisted. We are not leaving until we make sure you're okay."  
  
Sonny's dark eyes flashed but he said nothing as he dropped the muddy shovel on the ground and walked over to the wet bar, pouring himself a drink.  
  
"Sonny," Brenda finally spoke up. "Talk to us, okay? We want to help."  
  
Sonny said nothing, didn't even turn to look at them again as he lifted the tumbler of cognac to his lips.  
  
"Sonny, talk to us," Robin pleaded. "Please. At least tell us what you were doing outside in a rainstorm with that shovel."  
  
Sonny cocked his head, turning to look at the three intruders for a moment before finally speaking. "That I can tell you. I was digging in the backyard."  
  
"Why?" Brenda asked, even though she was not entirely sure she wanted to hear the answer.  
  
"I was making a grave. For the person who killed my daughter, ran her down like an animal, and drove off, leaving her to die... When I find them - and you better believe I will find them - they are going to pay. I'm going to bury them _alive_ right outside my window so every morning I can walk right out there and spit on their grave ..."


End file.
